WHAT DO YOU MEAN “FLASH GORDON APPROACHING”?

isang araw, sa loob ng japanese embassy sa los angeles, california…

CONSULAR OFFICER: when are you going to japan?

BATJAY: this december, ma’am.

CONSULAR OFFICER: what are you going to do in japan?

BATJAY: i want to ride the bullet train, ma’am

CONSULAR OFFICER: do you know anybody in japan?

BATJAY: yes ma’am. kurusawa, shintaro the samurai, hayao miyazaki, voltes v, astro boy, mazinger z and daimos.

CONSULAR OFFICER: daimos?

BATJAY: yes ma’am. da famous robot – you know… “erika, richard, erika, richard”

CONSULAR OFFICER: who else besides fictional robots do you know?

BATJAY: O-sei-san, ma’am.

CONSULAR OFFICER: O-sei-san?

BATJAY: yes ma’am. da gelpren of ka pepe

CONSULAR OFFICER: ka pek-pek?

BATJAY: ay bastus. no ma’am. ka pepe – our national hero.

CONSULAR OFFICER: jose rizal?

BATJAY: yes ma’am. jose rizal, also known as pepe – so many gelprens. he’s the father of kalibugan in da philippines.


para sa mas kumpletong multi-media experience, pakinggan ninyo ang MP3 re-enactment ng interview drama sa japanese embassy in los angeles na buong karangalang inihandog sa inyo ng “Glade-Pantene with Essence of Avocado, Ang Shampoo ng mga Kalbo”.

33 thoughts on “WHAT DO YOU MEAN “FLASH GORDON APPROACHING”?

  1. Rizal’s diary revealed that he nearly married this samurai’s daughter whom Rizal affectionately nicknamed O-Sei San (real name: Seiko Usui) were it not for his patriotic dreams for the Philippines. What would have happened to their children and grandchildren during World War II had he married her? I wonder.

    Kudos to you, Jay, for your ability to weave history, humor and vulgarity in a fun way!

    Thanks to your reply to my previous comment. Have you checked your mail?

  2. i love the story of rizal and o-sei-san. she must have done something good to rizal for him to speak of her so eloquently.

    “…As the flower of the chodji falls from the stem fresh and perfect without ever being stripped of its petals or withered, tender and poetic even after its fall, thus you fell. Neither did you lose your purity nor did the delicate petals of your innocence wilt-Sayonara, sayonara! You will never come to know that I have thought of you again or that your image lives in my memory; and nevertheless I always think of you. Your name lives in the sighs of my lips; your image accompanies and animates all my thoughts. When shall another divine afternoon like that in the temple of Meguro return? When shall the colors of the camellia, its freshness, its elegance … Ah! The last descendant of a noble family, true to an unfortunate vengeance, you are beautiful … Everything is finished! Sayonara, sayonara!”

    iniisip ko magaling si o-sei-san in bed but that’s just my filthy mind speaking.

  3. That just goes to show how potent and deadly O Sei San’s charm was. She really seduced Rizal and she was so good at it that Rizal gave in easily. Otherwise, how would you explain the lasting impression that this woman left on him when they actually were together for only a very brief period?

  4. Re. why she fell for our Joe, I have three theories:

    1.She’s probably just one of those few Japanese women who were ahead of their time. Like Oichi, Gozen, Hojo Masako, Tokuko, etc. who all came before her. Or even Yoko Ono, from recent memory.
    2.She was described as a lonely woman. Her loneliness must have made her an easy prey to our dashing Joe. As the old saying goes: Walang matimtimang birhen, sa simbahan din ang tuloy. Hehehe
    3.Our Joe had a secret weapon which she could not resist. Did you notice his big nose, his fat/long thumb, his short height and his lean frame? The first two are believed to be directly related to it. The last two are inversely proportional.

    Take your pick.

    I hope you find an O Sei San during your stay in Japan. (I also hope that Jet doesn’t read this.)

    (Someday, I’ll hate myself for writing this.)

  5. What about your sanitized/decent mind? What is it telling you?

    That was a funny dramatization of the Japanese embassy interview! Has it been there all the time? Because I didn’t notice it earlier today. Or are my eyes playing tricks on me again?

    Did you do all the characters for that drama? I bet you did. You’re overflowing with talent. You’re one-of-a-kind. Thanks for giving us total entertainment. Keep it up, Jay.

  6. i love nostalgia manila. great site my friend. bagay na bagay sa edad ko ang blog mo. kaya pala natawa ka sa daimos.

    SELaplana – taga leyte ka pala. matagal ako sa ormoc dahil na assign akong tumulong gumawa ng geothermal plant doon sa bukid.

    nakakatawa ba yung MP3? hehehe. yan ang dirty mind na naglalaro pag linggo ng hapon.

    oo, i did the drama voices. it’s a tribute of sorts to my dad and his colleagues. i used to watch them record their radio drama shows many years ago.

  7. Well you kno what, you can start hating yourself right now Toto. Why wait for someday?

    hahaha! Biro lang. Pero pasalamat ka tama ang sagot ni Batjay. Kung hindi, nakuuuu!

    Mylab, hindi ako makapag-aral ng mahusay e. Di maalis sa isip ko yung audio nitong blog mo. hehehe… 😀

  8. ngyehehe… ayos ba mylab? nakakabaliw yan audio drama kasi parang last song syndrome ang effect. kailangan pakinggan mo ng pakinggan hanggang magsawa ka. otherwise tatawa ka ng tatawa mag-isa. di ka tuloy makakapag concentrate.

  9. Jet, sorry, but from the looks of it, you’re not coming with him to Japan. When that happens, I could already see Jay drooling at the endless rows of fresh sashimi* (literally and euphemistically) with spicy hot wasabi paste and flaming hot go-go dancers (literally) which he could savor freely sans your watchful eyes.

    Sashimi literally means pierced body. But Jet, you can still pray that Jay doesn’t pierce someone else’s body with whatever weapon he’s got, licensed or unlicensed, when he gets to Japan. Otherwise, you may now bring out your chain and whip in time for Jay’s return. (Just kidding!)

  10. batjay, ingat ka sa mga cr dun. experience nung isang ofcmyt kasi kakaiba.

    nagpunta sya sa isang napakagarang hotel (nalimutan ko na kung ano) na may napakagandang cr. may mga button daw sa loob ng cubicle, nacurious sya. meron dun pang hugas, pam-flush, may liquid soap etc. at napansin nya na may red button din. pinindot nya. ayun, may biglang kumatok na mga pulis sa cubicle nya! pang emergency pala yun! hiyang-hiya syang lumabas. kung pede nga lang ma-flush na sya sa inodoro, ginawa na nya.

    have a good trip in Japan!

  11. father bat! dito ko nalang sasagutin ang email mo! nakakatawa kayo talaga ni amor! pareho na naman kayo! nagpunta din sya kamakailan sa US embassy dito sa S’pore at para din silang gago nung consul na babae na mataray na masarap dukutin ang mata. Pero ayun binigyan naman din sya ng visa.. she will be in VA sa 2nd week ng Nov. kasi she was invited by the VA gov’t to attend a media tour.. kasi nagfreefreelance writing na din sya sa magazines sa Malaysia eh, so the VA gov’t wants to be featured there. Pag daw sa CA ang stopover nya, she’ll try to get in touch with you and Mother Jet.

    Nakakatuwa nasa album mo na ang pic namin with the KT book! Natutuwa ako.. sana madami magpadala sa yo ng pics of themselves with their KT book! Parang where in the world is KT, a la Spidey! hehe… totoong natutuwa kami sa tagumpay mo.

    Pakisabi kay Mother Jet she’s always thought of, ok?

    Ingat kayo jan. Keep running Bat! sana ikaw din Mother Jet. Sa Oct 29 eh kasali kami nila Amor sa Great Eastern Women’s 10k marathon.. proceeds non will go towards battling child prostitution in Thailand. So dati nagpaddle ako para sa mga suso, ngayon naman eh para sa fek!

  12. JENNYPENG!

    buti naman at nakakuha na ng visa si amor. sana ay multiple entry para makapasyal kayo rito parati. hindi ka ba sasama kay amor? wala bang plano magdaan ng california?

    nilagay ko na agad ang pictures ninyo para naman madagdagan ng maganda ang photo album namin. ang ganda nga ng effect – kung sino sino dahil marami ang nagpapadala ng mga picture sa akin.

    sana nga marami pang magpadala ng mga pictures nila with the KT book para naman ma feature ko rin sila sa blog at sa album. teka nga – gagawa ako ng blog entry at gagamitin ko kayong props para mag invite ng mga readers na magpadala ng pictures. pwede ba?

    o siya, ingat na lang at good luck sa 10K. sana nariyan din kami para makasali sa pekpek race.

  13. pwedeng pwede i blog! malay mo mas madami bumili ng libro mo kasi malalaman na talagang you touch people’s lives… partida pa alam na namin ni amor istorya mo, tas ako nabasa ko na karamihan sa blog mo! pero kakaiba eh… sana alam mong gifted child ka! hahahaha

    yung may suso at fek ang totoong comment ko pero kasi kala ko kaya ayaw tanggapin ng comment page eh dahil bigla silang nagcensor.. kasi may lumabas na message na please post your comment again in a short while eh…

    excited na nga kami sa pekpek race… yung isang sponsor eh yung pH (panghugas ng fekfek) kaya tawa kami ng tawa!

    sana makatakbo din ako alang alang sa mga titi in the future!

  14. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    ang galing naman ng pekpek race. at bongga ang sponsor ninyo – panglinis. sana may magbigay ng libreng sample. dito kasi, libre lahat ang mga produkto ng sponsor doon sa mga booth kaya ang dami kong nauwi na mga souveneir nung tumakbo ako.

    wala nga lang panghugas ng pekpek.

  15. hehehe…cenxa na napadpad ako d2…i was just browsing the net, looking for any information about this jap gal named O-sei-san, nakarating na nga ako kung saan saan, pero ala pa rin akong mahanap…d2 lng pala sa site nyo ako makakahanap ng info…an laking tulong nung interview with the US embassy mo!!

    Kung cnu ka man.. isa kang malaking himala para maipasa ko ang Rizal ko!

    Sumalangit nawa kaluluwa ni O-sei-san…

  16. you are so cute, batjay. tawa ako nang tawa sa pakikinig dito. miss ko na nga marinig boses mo. the last time i heard you, siguro lampas isang taon na. you are sooooo wacky. creative to the max. tunay na sira ulo. 🙂

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