Rage, rage against the dying of the light

nakikinita ko na… darating ang araw tatanda ako ng husto at lahat ng sentence ko ay magsisimula sa “ano kamo?” pagtapos, tutubuan na ako ng mahabang buhok sa tenga, lalabo na ang mata, magiging kulubot na parang betlog ang balat, malalaglag ang lahat ng ngipin, hindi na titigasan at magiging matandang utot (“old fart” in english).

but i won’t give up easily – i’ll have to be dragged kicking and screaming into senility. ayan napa ingles tuloy ako. siguro, ito ang dahilan ng pagtakbo ko araw-araw at pag basketball kahit masakit sa tuhod. i will not go gentle into that good night.

ang hindi ko kasi maisip na mangyari sa akin ay maging bedridden in my old age. yung thought lang ng helplessness at pag depend sa iba para kumilos ay mahirap para sa akin. pag nakikita ko yung mga lolo’t lola rito na inaakay ng kung sino ay parang kinukurot ang puso ko. iniisip ko nga, pag dumating na yung panahon na tinutulungan na ako sa paghugas ng pwet, sasabihin ko kay jet, barilin na lang niya ako sa daliri (habang nagtatanggal ako ng muta).

22 thoughts on “Rage, rage against the dying of the light

  1. nung nanood kami ng amercian beauty, tinanong ko si esmi kung pagdating ko ba sa ganung edad ay ganun din ang mangyayari sa akin? lalo na dun sa shower scene ni spacey? sagot: IKAW PA!!! hehehe, sana nga. sana.

  2. yan yung tinatawag na pride …. nabasa mo na ba yung Tuesday with Morie? may sinabi sya doon na parang ganito..”ang sarap pala ng inaalagaan.” Dapat maranasan mo rin yun diba? unti unti nawawala ang pride..unti unti tinatanggap na magkakaroon ng pagkakataon na “talagang ganun ang buhay”

  3. jay, mejo mahaba ito. i received it as an email from Chitoism and i’m sharing it with u and the dabarkads (kasama ka rito, tito rolly):

    I . Face and accept the reality of getting old, its consequences and the
    limitations which growing old brings. Act and behave your age. Quit fooling
    yourself by trying to look like you were in your youth.

    II . Focus on enjoying people, not on indulging in or accumulating material
    things.

    III . Plan to spend whatever you have saved. You deserve to enjoy it and the few healthy years you have left. Travel if you can afford it. Don’t leave
    anything for your children or loved ones to quarrel about. By leaving anything, you may even cause more trouble when you are gone.

    IV . Live in the here and now, not in the yesterdays and tomorrows. It is
    only today that you can handle. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not even happen.

    V . Enjoy your grandchildren (if you are blessed with any) but don’t be
    their full time baby sitter. You have no moral obligation to take care of them. Don’t have any guilt about refusing to baby sit anyone’s kids, including your own grandkids. Your parental obligation is to your children. After you have raised them into responsible adults, your duties of child-rearing and babysitting are finished. Let your children raise their own off-springs.

    VI . Accept physical weakness, sickness and other physical pains. It is a
    part of the aging process. Enjoy whatever your health can allow.

    VII . Enjoy what you are and what you have right now. Stop working hard for what you do not have. If you do not have them, it’s probably too late.

    VIII . Just enjoy your life with your spouse, children, grandchildren and
    friends. People, who truly love you, love you for yourself, not for what you
    have. Anyone who loves you for what you have will just give you misery.

    IX . Forgive and accept forgiveness. Forgive yourself and others. Enjoy
    peace of mind and peace of soul.

  4. hey gilbert. ano yan? yan ba yung ten commandments para sa mga senile at… ano nga ba tawag sa kanila? yung makakalimutin? ah naalala ko na – ulyanin! hehehe. thank you.

    masarap nga inaalagaan pero ayokong maging gulay.

    “american beauty” – that’s one of my favorite films. i watch it as often as i can. galing ni sam mendez at ni spacey. yung ending – 00, sana ganon mangyari sa akin. get out in style.

  5. mas nakakatakot maging bingengot…ang lola ko super binge na…halos matanggal na litid ng mga tiyahin ko sa kasisigaw ang intindi pa din ng lola ko sa lababo e tsubibo…wahahaha…nung isang araw ang cellphone, kapon…watda????

  6. YAn din ang kinatatakutan kong malaki. Wag na yung pinupunasan ka ng pwet… yung kung anu-ano inilalagay sa katawan mo and for what? para lang tumagal pa ang suffering? Mahirap. Gusto ko, natulog, di na gumising, patay. Ang bilin ko lang sa mga anak ko, “siguraduhin nyo lang na patay na ko ha. Baka mamaya, tinanghali lang ako ng gising e dinala na nyo ko sa morge.”

  7. i kinda miss it too sometimes. thanks for the input. perhaps in the next revision. right now, i’m still working on transferring my old blog to my new home.

    take care!

  8. hillu ankil jee, pwidi eba naman ang topec naten? ang morbed kase, tometendeg toloy mga balahebu ku sa kele-kele. Ay, herjil pala nalagay ko at hende diudurant! hehehe.

  9. musta bay – pwidi, piru dipindi. abangan mo sa sabado. i’m posting an intersting topic that you can also participate in. perhaps, do a similar post for your blog. i am very interested in what you will write.

  10. kuya batjay…

    unang comment ko sayo ito, nakakatawa talaga ang mga writings mo.. alam mo habang nagwowork ako, isa sa malalaking building sa makati… tuwang tuwa ako sayo… monitoring lang nmn ako dito at minsan pa walang trouble… nakataon na nakita ko isa kang nabigyan ng award at na post sa news paper.. so ito na po ang umpisa na pagbabasa ko sa blog mo… nakakatuwa and enjoy na enjoy ako… pasali ha kuya thanks…

  11. ngyehehe… ako may excuse sa paglabo ng mata.

    so far, so good. last year 25/20 vision sa left eye at 20/20 ako sa right. this may 5 ang annual eye exam ko. hopefully maganda pa rin pero sa tingin ko ay medyo pumangit na kaunti. may time kasi na hirap ang short range vision ko after looking at a far away object.

    magpapalaser ka na? yung cousin ko both eyes because of diabetes. para raw siyang may brand new eyes.

  12. I think what Connie is referring to Pa is lasik surgery. Iba ang laser surgery for diabetic patients. Ang dibetics kasi right off the bat hindi na qualified for the kind of surgery Connie is saying.

    Anyway…

    I know exactly what you mean in this entry. Nakita ko yan nung naoperahan ka. If I remember right, for several hours after the operation, hindi ka pa rin naiihi and the doctor said lalagyan ka ng catheter pag hindi ka pa naihi nung gabing yun. You tried kaso peeing on bed in a urinal just didn’t cut it for you. So in all your glorious determination, tumayo ka para umihi, just hours after your surgery.

    It was much later, kinukwento mo na lang sa mga kaibigan natin na muntik ka nang mahimatay sa sakit nun. I never knew that… never had an inkling.

    Alam ko, you wouldn’t give up without a fight. And I am so proud of you.

  13. pero yun time na yon ay ok pa rin sa akin kasi binantyan mo ako ng husto at inalaagan all through out. galing mo naman mylab, naalala mo lahat ito. salamat.

    lab U!

  14. sir batjay,

    matagal na po akong lurker dito. and nalaman ko po tong website dahil sa libro niyo. kulet niyo po talaga. =)

    patambay lang po.

  15. maraming salamat sa pagcomment, lurker. nabasa ko rin ang blog mo at natawa ako sa ibang mga entry.

    ingat,
    jay

    PS – kilala mo ba si scrotum?

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